I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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