Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
