i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
