A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
