Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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