i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Is it because I queefed?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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