I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
