remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
