My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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