Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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