some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Randomize
