I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Randomize
