I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
