Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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