We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
