at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
