I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
