my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
