if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
