I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
this beer tastes like vomit already
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
