For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
sarcasm needs its own font
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
