I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
