Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
