Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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