There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
