my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
