Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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