I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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