he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
