Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
