What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
