did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
