When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
