I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
