I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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