I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
