maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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