Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I wish there were birth control emojis
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
