Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
