My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
