i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
