I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
