She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
