I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
