Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
