oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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