he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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