I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
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