Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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