i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
